Nostalgia

Who knew this old drinking fountain could evoke such emotions from me? As I rode my bike with my daughter through my old stomping grounds, that have become hers or will soon become hers, I was struck with nostalgia but also a sadness for days long gone, for people missing from houses that I thought they'd inhabit forever, for buildings still standing, others leveled & rebuilt. So many many memories made throughout the streets of my neighborhood. I'm as sensitive & sentimental as they come, I can't help longing just a little bit for those days. But I also can't help but smile & even laugh because I've been blessed with a lifetime of beautiful things. I've even been blessed with some not beautiful things.:) So to my daughter soon to move on to a new chapter of life....no fear, go beYOUtiful. Enjoy each moment, seize the day, smile & laugh a lot. You will have ups & downs in life, & that's ok because it will shape & mold you into a strong, capable, loving woman.  But I digress.....that old, broken drinking fountain, a remnant left of my childhood, one I drank from as a Kindergartener so long ago. You got me. Thanks for the memories. #carpediem

"LOVE" (Everything you have been told was a lie)

Mr Rogers may have had it right!

Love Forever by Joni Buehner

If I were the trees....

I would turn my leaves to gold and scatter them toward the sky so they would circle about your head and fall in piles at your feet...

So you might wonder.

If I were the mountains....

I would crumble down and lift you up so you could see all of my secret places, where the rivers flow and the animals run wild...

So you might know freedom.

If I were the ocean...

I would raise you onto my gentle waves and carry you across the seas to swim with the whales and the dolphins in the moonlit waters,

So you might know peace.

If I were the stars...

I would sparkle like never before and fall from the sky as gentle rain,

So that you would always look towards heaven and know that you can reach the stars.

If I were the moon...

I would scoop you up and sail you through the sky and show you the Earth below in all its wonder and beauty,

So you might know that all the Earth is at your command.

If I were the sun...

I would warm and glow like never before and light the sky with orange and pink,

So you would gaze upward and always know the glory of heaven.

But I am me...

And since I am the one who loves you, I will wrap you in my arms and kiss you and love you with all of my heart,

And this I will do until...

The mountains crumble down...

And the oceans dry up...

And the stars fall from the sky...

And the sun and moon burn out...

And that is forever.

(Excerpt from The Rent Collector by Camron Wright)

2nd chance

I have found that I can never take myself too seriously. Being able to laugh at myself has been a big part in finding peace.

The past year has been a journey, a roller coaster of ups and downs. Of gut wrenching tears and tears of joy. I think I probably felt every emotion at heightened levels and also a numbness of days slipping into weeks into months. And then one day I woke up and said I am fine. I'm fine. And if I feel sad one day, one hour, one minute. That's okay. I learned to acknowledge my feelings but not dwell on them and I found it was a miracle for me. I enjoyed opportunities that came my way and found comfort in an empty home. I let go of fear and knew that I was completely capable of taking care of myself & my children. Things always work out. They always have in some way. I took comfort in that. And whether it was grace or something else, I found peace with my situation. 

So I found it completely ironic when my husband brought up reconciliation. This man I have loved & been so frustrated with I swear I could toss him across a room. And I laugh a million little giggles because life always has a way of keeping me on my toes.

So what do I do with this second chance? I considered not taking it but my how children can change everything you ever thought you'd hold true to.

We have this opportunity to be great together. I believe we can. I never thought we couldn't. Can we, can I seize the opportunity? Or will we just fall back into old patterns.

So now again I start another journey. And believe I'm perfectly where I am supposed to be. I hope to take the things I have learned & apply them. And at the end of the day I still always believe that love wins.

"At the end of our lives, looking back, what will most matter will be the moments of loving presence in our relationships.” 

        Tara Brach

Flow

     This has proven to be true for me.....

Perfect?

I'm starting to see that life is perfectly the way it's supposed to be. This life is for my experience & learning. It isn't always easy, it doesn't always make me smile but often lately I have to chuckle at how things unfold. The whole "when one door closes another one opens" type thing. There are no accidents, everything is happening for a reason & most certainly I'm learning from all of my experiences. Life is for learning & that is exciting.

So the good & the bad is all perfectly perfect! ;-)