I have found that I can never take myself too seriously. Being able to laugh at myself has been a big part in finding peace.
The past year has been a journey, a roller coaster of ups and downs. Of gut wrenching tears and tears of joy. I think I probably felt every emotion at heightened levels and also a numbness of days slipping into weeks into months. And then one day I woke up and said I am fine. I'm fine. And if I feel sad one day, one hour, one minute. That's okay. I learned to acknowledge my feelings but not dwell on them and I found it was a miracle for me. I enjoyed opportunities that came my way and found comfort in an empty home. I let go of fear and knew that I was completely capable of taking care of myself & my children. Things always work out. They always have in some way. I took comfort in that. And whether it was grace or something else, I found peace with my situation.
So I found it completely ironic when my husband brought up reconciliation. This man I have loved & been so frustrated with I swear I could toss him across a room. And I laugh a million little giggles because life always has a way of keeping me on my toes.
So what do I do with this second chance? I considered not taking it but my how children can change everything you ever thought you'd hold true to.
We have this opportunity to be great together. I believe we can. I never thought we couldn't. Can we, can I seize the opportunity? Or will we just fall back into old patterns.
So now again I start another journey. And believe I'm perfectly where I am supposed to be. I hope to take the things I have learned & apply them. And at the end of the day I still always believe that love wins.
"At the end of our lives, looking back, what will most matter will be the moments of loving presence in our relationships.”
Tara Brach
